maybe by this time next year

by rushmore beekeepers

/
1.
maybe by this time next year we’ll be having christmas together maybe by this time next year all your troubles will be gone i know it’s hard to see any good especially with the shit you’ve been through and i know this won’t solve everything but you know i would be good to you and you know i ran out of the diner after i saw you because i thought i might have something to say and i wrote you a song but it didn’t come out right anyway so i’ll keep trying till i find something i can sing while looking you in the eye so darling let me kiss you and happy days may be on their way for you and i
2.
church lets out on saturday night i promised i’d see the play but the love i feel hasn’t filled my heart with god i’m content but i want more and tonight i know at least i’m alive and i’m waiting for you to come around i’m wanting you to be around i’m waiting for you to come around because i have no faith but my heart is overflowing with love
3.
i met you a year ago today you reminded me surprised that you remembered brings some light into this poor boy’s life that you might think something of me sang songs for you a year ago and i’m sure you have no idea all the nice things, all those mean things i said wish i could take back some of them oh darling, i’ve heard your voice again and it’s just enough to cheer me up again oh darling, i’ve seen your face and it’s just enough to know i’ve had too much oh i’m doing okay again things seem to be the way they were then and i’ll write another album for you and make sure you hear it this time because maybe the songs will be nice i just met a beautiful girl and the cold winter wind don’t seem so cold anymore can i call you tonight
4.
she’s a fighter who knows what she’s doing yes, i’m afraid she’s years ahead of me i look at her and in her eyes i see someone i recognize the beautiful princess i hope could someday be my wife so beautiful to me, so wonderful to me there were seas of mighty demons and hills filled with robbers and many fair maidens to protect everywhere i’ve traveled many a mile to hear your answer so please don’t turn me back into the wind and the rain and the cold
5.
so nice to see you again at the party you drank and we talked and we danced until we fell onto the floor then we went out onto the porch to cool off and talk some more i wanted to kiss you but everyone came outside like we were the party i still want to kiss you but now that we’re alone i don’t know what to do and i wanted to tell you, yeah, i wanted to i’ve got my cowboy hat thought it would impress you but it’s still on my hat rack thought about you going to sleep and only got up this morning because you called me i think of you and all the things that we might do i still don’t know what to say but maybe i will tell you today
6.
sometimes i think maybe i shouldn’t look at people so closely and just let this be as it is you say a lot of things that could be nice if you really mean them and i wonder if you hear the things i say to you when i say i want to be with you and i hope you hear me and my inarticulate phrasing and my awkward touches, that’s the way i’m praying i want to stay with you and watch movies with you and spend the night with you and wake up with you but i want to leave tonight and not have to face you and the things i will never tell i want to leave tonight but i’d never forget the things i gave up from giving in to giving up
7.
days move so fast and we move so slow i’m running out of time to let you know one year wasted, three weeks of this now it’s all hanging on today and the possibility of a first kiss we talk on the phone i’m full of anxiety this is not my idea of the perfect time so i’ll put it off till another day and take another chance on a love that can’t wait we say goodnight outside of my apartment in the cold with your truck door open i tell you, i get half an answer you like me but you’re trying not to
8.
my tv is always off, the screen is black it vaguely reflects me and the things in my show can’t read the expression on my face or see the color of my eyes are they really mine, i don’t know doesn’t matter how hard you try if you don’t succeed you may have everything you want but you’ll never have enough of what you need we are insured to death so we pay our dues and go to church as if we believe in the good it will bring everybody has an answer, it’s really cool to care i find it hard to believe in anything and i try hard to write something that’ll make someone feel something but i don’t know if anyone will ever hear me and i tried to be someone but i gave up long ago because i’ll never get hurt or hurt somebody if it’s just me are we all stars in our own tv shows or do i just hate myself so much i can’t see the screen and i can see your sadness but i can’t do anything to help it’s a one-way mirror i wish i couldn’t see myself
9.
i thought of something to tell you but i forgot i thought i’d give you a call but maybe not thought i’d leave the words to “the shining” on your porch door maybe then you’d remember me and that wonderful way we were bettie serveert, beck, and badly drawn boy these are the things i remember you by and some cards and drawings and a piece of art i stuck to my guitar the days go fast since you are gone still find it impossible to let myself move on oh, and it’s almost a month i should be out looking for someone else but all the girls, they pale in comparison to you
10.
i’d love to go to your house for dinner again but that would mean we’d have to be friends i wanted something more and i still hope this could happen i’ve seen the way you look at me and when i’m singing i know you know i’m singing just to you there are so many things to say about trying to put to words what i want to say and i just think it would be nice to give it another try i could trim your hair and we could sing songs together and you could draw me pictures and i could paint and cry a river just for you i wish i could write something to ease your troubled mind, darling but i know it’s too late the weather’s nice, i could walk to your house but it would only be for the fresh air gravity’s my best friend he points out all the people on the ground makes sure i see them that’s where i should be he tells me “that’s where you should be”
11.
i wish you could know how happy it made me to see you today and i’m just counting the minutes till i see you again and i wonder how i’ll behave then and will i ever find the right thing to say or will i let this possibility slip away
12.
you can turn off the porch light and turn up the stereo take off your shoes because she’s not coming back you can cry all you want and sing all you want she won’t hear you, she’s all done with that and you could say oh, oh, oh wish you didn’t have to go these streets are lined with the dreams that i’ve always kept in my brain and i just thought maybe if i didn’t do anything different your feelings would never change but here i am walking in the cold alone on the way back from walking you home she’s better off without me wish i was all right without her there’s a hole in my heart where all the bad things go it’s getting bigger every day it’s full of the sweet things she told me and words i wish i said i’d never say
13.
were we the mistake i said i’d never make again oh, because when i held your hand it was in such confidence and i kissed you so that you knew you were loved and everything was the way it should have been you could hide your fears and smile and i may never know or maybe you would become comfortable but if you walk away, there’s only one direction we can go never knowing what could have been and i’m sitting in a room in las vegas i should be out on the strip but i’ve wanted to see you so bad these few days i’m lost more than ever and i’m always without you and the miles between us hurt me with something new this is my life without you you and i will never be the way i wanted us to be i wish my feelings could be a song maybe you’d be here singing and i’ll draw a line you and i will stand on either side the line becomes a wall and i will build the wall
14.
things i have to forget her smile, and the way she sings and her loving touch, and waking up with her each night was a thousand years and still not enough time if i was that flower she left in her pocket i think i’d be fine there is a dark sky and a love that will never be returned i can see her now with that knit cap and her black hair hanging in her face she’s somewhere else and happier there so who i am to say what’s best for her there is a point where fate takes control do we really get what we deserve about your smile as sweet as the day is long i thought i might write a song but that i found i could not do so here’s a great big broken heart for you
15.
the world spinning, i wish i could stop time from moving so fast i can see the good things though the good things never did last nothing ever changes because the bags were already packed nothing ever changes once i walked out the door i knew i wouldn’t be back and oh, i just want you to know i’m hoping for a new life and i want it to be with you i know i wrote a lot of songs that weren’t for you and i held back a lot of things i should have said to you you’re 300 miles away and i’m lost but you’re coming home want to see your face from out of the crowd and your eyes will shine on me and i’ll know the world spinning, i wish i could stop time from moving so fast i would hold this moment forever and ever
16.
if you promised me the moon i would wait for you despite what any of my friends would say and if you said you’d want to i would go back to you because i don’t have the strength to stay away if you said you were wrong, silver hearts are hung i would apologize and go away i can’t get through, i think i love you but that’s a f***ing stupid thing to say you said you didn’t want to marry but i never asked you and i think i will go this one alone and i could try my best to love you madly but i know this would still end badly this house could never be a home and i won’t wait for you but i can’t move on from you i know this is where i’m bound to die i can’t get through, i think i love you but that’s a f***ing stupid thing to say

about

Written and recorded at Dirt to Mud Studios between December 2002 and April 2003.

Parental advisory, I guess?

credits

released October 22, 2004

All songs written by Zach Fountain.

Album art / design by Amanda Hawkins! ahhh-design.com

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all rights reserved

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about

rushmore beekeepers Tulsa, Oklahoma

Indie folk/electro folk duo RBK (Zach Fountain and Amanda Hawkins) layer guitar, autoharp, and mandolin with keyboards and electro beats while covering the pivotal themes in life: love, loss, adventure, and occasionally the apocalypse.

Based in OK and AZ, the solo/duo act plays shows brimming with emotion, banter, and forgotten lyrics at coffee shops, bars, and houses across the USA.
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